The Benny Hinn Ministries spokesperson responded: “Pastor Benny Hinn and his immediate family were shocked and saddened to learn of this news without any previous notice.”[i]  

The last time I checked, one’s “wife” is immediate family.  Where’s the disconnect?

Some thoughts:

• Because a person is in the clergy doesn’t insulate them from marital dysfunction.
• Anyone’s life, anyone can be disconnected from those they are supposed to be close to, i.e., wife, husband, children, grandchildren, etc, especially those who have dynamic, powerful, up-front, successful lives. 
• If this “anyone” happens to be a spiritual leader, and the basic thing that all of us do is get help for the marriage or life issue.  The same applies to them.

Along with some success stories, the person often gets caught up in the “occupation,” “ministry,”  “athletic ability,” and becomes disconnected from the people who were once near and dear.

There is another story that Suzanne has.  It will come out in pieces and if people are more concerned about Hinn’s ministry than her factual opinion of what happened, then her story will likely fade away.  This is another sad reality that is often the case.

Recently Gayle Haggard and Jenny Sanford came out with their books.  Both saw their husbands flip out and do the unexpected.  Both forgave but made different decisions about their marriages.  Gayle decided to stay with her husband Ted; Jenny decided that the marriage wouldn’t work because her husband had another “soul mate.” 

Suzanne has a reason why she needed to do this, and no matter how “big” her husband’s ministry, success, or the future damage her decision would bring, she made a choice to file for divorce.  Her opinion is important. 

The blinders that “greatness” and “success” can bring are something that we must remind ourselves of.  Leadership is not a curse, in fact it is a gift—a blessing.   But as we often discover, many simply get caught up in the adrenaline of the success rush and somehow forget the basics.

You may have already helped in some way.  If not, please find a way to give funds to a reputable organization that is getting help to these people.   Sending clothing, food, blankets or perishable goods isn’t what they need right now.  Getting funds to a trustworthy organization will help get the aid to them the fastest.

During times of tragedy there will always be those who will take advantage of people’s pain and try to scam those who want to become involved.  Don’t let this stop you from giving, but when you give do it through an organization that  is approved by Charitable Watch.  Organizations that I trust are: Convoy of Hope,  Samaritan’s Purse, World Vision, Compassion International, and most churches.  I am sure there are many other wonderful organizations; I just happen to know most of the leaders of the ones I have listed.

President Obama is connecting former presidents Bush and Clinton to assist in securing help for this need as well.  I’m grateful.  This is the American way; it’s what we do.  Even though our country is having an economic challenge, we will find a way to respond.

Bottom line: be a giver, pray for these incredible people, and do what you can.

I like beginning again with a new year. One of my habits is to begin the New Year with a time of fasting, focus, and follow-through.

Fasting is where I sacrifice certain kinds of entertainment, food, and activities for a period of time. Then I focus on:

• God’s will for what I do (I do this by giving time to reading the Bible, listening to what it is telling me and asking God for His insights into my life and what I am doing)
• Who I am (I think about “who” I really am, i.e., motivations, desires, interests, and where I need to improve)
• How I love and care for my wife and adult children (am I being the kind of husband and father that is honorable, honest, and caring?)
• How I spend my time.  Here I put together a timeline for the year (looking at the calendar year and making goals, while pacing myself)

Follow-through is where I put my plans into action. Here are my thoughts on how you might become a little more successful in 2010:

• Success is not only for yourself, but greatly depends on how you focus on concerns outside yourself (people around us).  We are wired to find pleasure, meaning, and success in how we treat the people we love, those who work with us, and in finding ways to help people that are in need.
• We are happier, feel more content, and more successful when we are part of and contribute to something larger than ourselves and our own needs (giving yourself to a good cause).
• People who volunteer, and caregivers, are happier than those who never volunteer or are takers.
• People who are thankful and grateful are happier than those who are mad, bitter, unforgiving, and ungrateful.
• When we know our strengths and work in areas where we are gifted, we feel more successful, and will have more passion for what we do.
• When feeling overwhelmed, choose to not look at the entire problem, goal, or challenge. Rather, break it down into smaller pieces and work on them one piece at a time.
• Decide to be a listener…not just a talker.  When talking to friends, peers, or family, make the most out of conversations by asking them questions that lead to caring answers.  Don’t assume you already know their feelings, opinions, or answers (we often miss what people really want to say).
• Decide to process, plan, and not procrastinate.  Procrastination is the enemy of our goals, dreams, and success in our work or family.  We tend to procrastinate when we feel we are not working in our skill area.
• Focus on who you feel God wants you to be (we understand this from what the Bible says). If we are overly self-conscious about how we are doing, or how our efforts will be judged (other people’s opinions), then we often are permitting people or pressure to dictate our behavior.

Start look for success in what you do and in how you treat people, especially your family.

This sad story of a family literally falling apart in front of our eyes can be a “warning light” for many who are thinking about compromising in their own marriages.

Here are some tips on how to keep the infidelity temptation at bay:

1. Be honest with your spouse: The experts say “honesty is the trump card for preventing affairs.”  Make a commitment to share your attractions and temptations.  Dishonesty and deception cause affairs to flourish.
2. Examine your marriage: Ask yourself if there is something missing and be willing to try to fix it.
3. Daily watch for temptation: Do you feel connected with the person your work with? Is there sexual tension when you are around them? Do you find yourself thinking or daydreaming about them in a sexual way?  Warning signs!  These can easily develop into traps…avoid them!
4. Don’t flirt: “That is how affairs start.  Flirting is not part of an innocent friendship.  If you think there might be a problem with someone you flirt with, there probably is a problem.” Says Bonnie Eaker Weil, www.makeupdontbreakup.com.
5. The Internet can be your friend – or enemy: You can develop an emotional affair overnight online.
6. Erase old relationships: Marital research expert Dr. Shirley Glass says, “If you value your marriage, think twice about having lunch with one, invite your partner along.” Better yet, stay away from old flings altogether.
7. Work at growing intimacy in your marriage: Be great friends with your spouse. Be vulnerable, transparent, and have open conversations with them.
8. Hang around with people with good or great marriages: Don’t hang out with people who fool around, bad-mouth their spouse, or are constantly flirting.  Run with good company.

There are very good reasons why some marriages are working and why some are not.  I’d like to see your thoughts on infidelity in marriage and ideas on how to protect a marriage from this very complicated problem.

The ripple effect of the Tiger Woods sex scandal has once again forced the question, “Why did he do that when he had so much to lose?”

More importantly, “Why did he do that at all?”

One of the most read USA Today (WEB) articles is Tiger Woods scandal prompts question: Why do men cheat? (By Sharon Jayson, 12/4/09).  In her article she brings out some statistics about the prevalence of adultery in marriage.

• 21% of men and 14% of women who have ever been married (including those who have been divorced) said that they have had sex at least once with someone other than their spouse (while married).  Of those currently married, 16% of men and 10% of women responded affirmatively.
• An interesting observation about how many of us believe adultery is wrong.

In the 1970s, 63% of men and 73% of women said marital infidelity is “always wrong.” In our time, 78% of men and 84% of women believe marital infidelity is ‘always wrong.”

So, why does this stuff keep coming out?  Are more people having affairs today than in other times? If so, how do we make sure we don’t make the same tragic decision and bring incredible pain on our lives and the people we love?

A thought that I develop in my books, Success Kills and Why Great Men Fall is:

Entitlement: I can do this because of who I am, what I own, or simply because I want to.  Recently when talking to a U.S. Congressperson, I was asked to “Pray for humility for all of us.  Congressmen end up divorcing [their wives] and marrying their chiefs of staff because they are ‘big cheeses.’”  They further explained they felt this was a frequent problem with political and popular leaders.   Experts call this the “Bathsheba syndrome,” referring back to David and Bathsheba.

There are lots of other mental compromises people go through before finally taking the leap off the cliff. One thing for sure; those who make this kind of decision pay a very expensive price.

“Can a man scoop a flame into his lap and not have his clothes catch on fire? Can he walk on hot coals and not blister his feet? So it is with the man who sleeps with another man’s wife?” (Proverbs 6:27-28).

What are your thoughts?  Does this kind of behavior seem to be happening more?  Why do people take such huge negative risks?  What is your opinion about how to help people (families) who have made this very wrong decision?

In my next blog I’ll give you 7 ways you can protect your personal life, and your marriage, from this kind of a decision.

Why do these private matters come into public view?  The mistakes that are made, i.e., the text messages, recorded telephone conversations, and more details of behind-closed-doors experiences will surface.  This tragic news will develop a life of its own. My heart goes out to this family.

How and why does this kind of thing happen? When looking at the lives of countless leaders of our generation and exploring the details of people who fell in the Bible, several conclusions become apparent.  In my book, Success Kills, I give detailed answers to the “how” and “why” questions.

Here are some thoughts that can protect us from making decisions that we would regret:

• Whether we like it or not, we are public.  There are people who want what leaders have (confidence, ability, stability, talent, prestige, power, money, etc.) and leaders are like magnets.  Leaders (or sports heroes) are often the targets of attraction, of jealous people, and of people who would like to get into your life.  Others can be attracted to leaders because of what they represent, not “who” they really are.
• Leaders, popular athletes and political figures can develop a sense of entitlement…they can risk too much because of who they are, what they own, and what they think they deserve…i.e., they begin writing their own rules.
• Arrogance can become so subtle a person actually thinks they will never get caught…they begin thinking they are smarter, more clever, wiser, etc…and in all of that, they make mistakes.  In sending a text message, an email, or a phone conversation (that is recorded), they begin to be less cautious.  And – almost always – the other person will talk with someone else.

So what do we do? How do we protect ourselves?

• We need people in our lives who will ask us the hard questions.  People who we trust enough to tell us of any indiscretion, temptation, or emotional weaknesses they see…people who will ask us about our real issues.
• We need to build boundaries in our lives that will keep us from taking too much risk and compromise in areas we thought were not possible.  Knowing that money, sex and power are often issues that can tempt anyone to bend the rules can help you find the right people to be accountable to…people of integrity, wisdom and a history of good decisions.

Most of all, there is One who can keep anyone from falling, or if one has fallen, He will help the leader get it right.

“The steps of the good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the Lord upholds him with His hand.” (Psalm 37:23-24 NKJV).

[Today's post is by Dr. Wayde Goodall, author of Success Kills. Goodall and his wife, Rosalyn, are authors, speakers, life coaches, ministry consultants and pastors traveling extensively around the globe holding family events and seminars. Success Kills, published by New Leaf Press, is Goodall's 14th book.]

There is no way you can be a leader, be successful, or reach your goal without being accused by someone of wrong motives or misinformation, or having them question your integrity.

Gossip, false accusations and threats from people who are attacking your reputation can bring damage to you and block your success.

What do you do? Keep integrity as your top priority. If you have done anything less than “high integrity,” apologize and make it right.

Also…

• Understand it is “normal” to feel some guilt, even when you did not do anything wrong.
  • analyze whether this is true guilt…or false guilt
• It is very common to overreact to the person, threat, or false accusation…think before your say or do anything.
• Accept reality…you cannot erase what has happened or what was said.  This is real and you will need to deal with it.
• Write out what you feel needs to happen to clear your name, motives, or false statements about you.
• Know that people might, or might not, admit that they said [something] about you or did [something] to you.
  • you need to remind yourself you did nothing wrong
• Find closure, don’t react to what you think people are saying about you.  Walk in truth, don’t be intimidated by what you think someone feels about you and keep doing the right thing.
• You can’t put out every fire.  You can’t comment, address, or defend yourself with every accusation.  Rumors have a life of their own. Decide to “not” react to everything you have heard about you.
• Take control…make your stand and take your power back.  Remember, this is a false accusation – you did nothing wrong and your motives were honest.  Be confident in who you are and don’t let this situation paralyze you.
• Give yourself a gift…be nice to yourself today, go to the gym, take your spouse out to Starbucks (or dinner), call your kids and tell them you love them, go fishing or do something you enjoy.

False accusations are normal.  Jesus experienced them and so will you.  Take the high road and do not let insecure, threatened, jealous people, or “power-players,” take the dream God gave you.

I just began writing my fifteenth book.  Most of my high school teachers would be shocked that part of my career is writing.  I just barely passed high school English!

Often the question is asked, how do you write a book…or start a company…or begin a new ministry?

My response? Do something today.

Don’t wait to:

• Get inspired
• Get it perfect
• Receive permission or approval
• Become confident
• To get the right person to join with you in your dream
• Make someone like you
• Receive reassurance from whomever
• Get over you past failure

Your dream is too important to wait … start working on getting there (one decision at a time).

You have likely heard of many formulas for success:  Here are some basics…

• Have a dream (what is your vision)
• What is your real life passion (this could be your dream), what do you think about when you are imagining what could, should, or would happen if??
• Develop a strategy (what you think will need to happen to get to your dream)
• Keep integrity as your top priority
• Be willing to adjust (flexible)
• Take the risk (my definition of faith: “calculated risk”)
• Get close to people that want you to win (some will try to sabotage you)
• Begin today (make a call, write a note, compose, take action … now)
• Sacrifice (every worthwhile endeavor will take a sacrifice … i.e., you give up something to get to your goal … like television, golf, skiing, etc.)
• Live in balance; take care of yourself, your marriage, your relationship with your children

Most important:  Don’t begin any of this until you commit your dream (plan) to the Lord. “Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.” (Proverbs 16:3 NLT)

1. Trust. This is a day when many struggle with whom they should trust. Your success, favor, creative ideas and unique blessings depend on it.  Psalm 40:4
2. Success in Your Dream. When we ask our Creator for His opinion before we make life’s decisions, He will be our partner in our dream. Prov. 16:3
3. Control Your Emotions. Your emotions are neither right nor wrong.  Everyone has highs and lows.  Deciding to control your emotions is a sign you can lead an organization. Prov. 16:32
4. Avoid a Fight. Walking away from an argument is more difficult that arguing.  Thinking before we speak is a discipline leaders have mastered. Prov. 17:4
5. How to Get Honor. Knowing Who gave you your gifts and Who blessed your life, along with those who are there to help you is much of the nature of true leaders. Prov. 15:33
6. Lonely Leaders. Being a leader is a lonely occupation. Knowing those who will stand with you during tough times is a wonderful gift. Prov. 17:17
7. Watch Your Words. It’s easy to talk.  Thinking about what you say, before you say it, is a discipline.  Avoiding harsh, rude, cruel, and inappropriate words demonstrates maturity. Prov. 17:27
8. Your Gift Goes with You. When you show up, so does your talents, gifts, and abilities.  God will never ask you to do anything that He hasn’t gifted you to do. Prov. 18:16
9. Overlook People’s Mistakes. Part of maturity is letting people make mistakes. Letting people try and fail is part of leading. Learning from our mistakes is a gift. Prov. 19:11
10. Getting Advice is Good. Major decisions in our lives can be dangerous. Seeking advice from people who have been there is a wise choice. Prov. 19:20

Most weeks I have the opportunity to be in another part of the U.S. … or even another country.  My work places me in the middle of some complicated, or seemingly impossible, situations.  The economic challenge that much of the world is experiencing has caused a major shaking in a multitude of businesses and people’s lives.  I often hear, “I’m going through a time of bad luck.”  Or some hit bottom and say; “I’m giving up.”

I don’t believe in bad luck or good luck…and please don’t give up…but ask yourself, “What can I possibly learn from my season of disappointment? How can I become better?”

There is an old story about a wise man who lived on one of China’s frontiers. One day, for no apparent reason, a young man’s horse ran away and was taken by nomads across the border.  Everyone tried to offer consolation for the man’s bad fortune, but his father, a wise man said, “What makes you so sure this is not a blessing?”

Months later, his horse returned, bringing with her a magnificent stallion. This time everyone was full of congratulations for the son’s good fortune. But now, his father said, “What makes you so sure this isn’t a disaster?”

Their household was made richer by this fine horse the son loved to ride.  But one day he fell off his horse and broke his hip.  Once again, everyone offered their consolation for his bad luck, but his father said, “What makes you so sure this is not a blessing?”

A year later nomads invaded across the border and every able-bodied man was required to take up his bow and go to battle.  The Chinese families living on the border lost nine of every ten men.  Only because the son was lame did father and son survive to take care of each other.

What appeared like a blessing and success has been a terrible thing.  What has appeared to be a terrible event has often turned out to be a rich blessing…and an opportunity to succeed.

What crisis in your life has given you a valuable life lesson and as a result, you have become better?

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight” (Prov. 3:5-6).